Write it down: When I was in college I had explosive anger. That’s the kind of anger that makes you beat up people for minor offenses. I got in trouble over one altercation and had to meet with the Dean of Students. Fortunately I wasn’t expelled because the Dean understood why I acted the way I did. He had suffered from the same kind of explosive anger in his early adult years. He took the time to share with me the technique he used to cope with his anger. He would write down everything that made him mad. He wouldn’t hold back and just poured everything onto paper. Then he took what he wrote and put in a drawer for 24 hours. After the 24 hours he would take out the paper, read it and decide if he still felt that way the next day. 99% of the time he didn’t feel angry anymore. I’ve used this technique many times and it has always helped me.
2 minute rule: This is something my friend Suzanne Wagner taught me. This tends to work best with couples. I honestly didn’t think this was a good idea at first, but it really does work. When person 1 is mad at person 2 the set up a safe place to express that anger. Person 2 stands in place and allows person 1 to be angry at them for no more than 2 minutes. There is no physical contact or personal attacks allowed. Person 1 sets a timer for 2 minutes and then expresses why they are angry at person 2. At the end of the 2 minutes person 1 must let it go and forgive person 2. Both parties can also do 2 minutes each. This exercise allows a safe place to be mad, but also creates space for forgiveness. I don’t recommend this if you have trouble understanding why you are upset. The discussion needs to be around the reason for the anger and must be very focussed on that one thing